I’ve just finished listening to a fascinating podcast episode from Tim Ferriss with Dr. Bruce Greyson, an expert on near-death experiences (NDEs).
Their conversation opened my mind to new ways of understanding both the brain and some of the more challenging personalities we encounter in life. Dr. Greyson’s research on NDEs explores how our brain filters the world to prioritise survival, especially during moments of intense vulnerability – like near-death experiences. Having gone through my own NDE when I was 15, I felt deeply connected to his insights, and it got me wondering: could these survival filters also shape certain personality traits?
What the Brain Shows Us (And What It Doesn’t)
During everyday life, our brains filter out stimuli that aren’t immediately essential to our survival. This means that as I’m sitting here writing this, my brain is only letting in the sights and sounds it deems necessary, keeping me focused while “filtering out” the rest of the world. We don’t see ultraviolet or infrared light like some animals do, for instance, because our brain has determined these wavelengths aren’t needed for us to survive. However, Dr. Greyson’s research shows that during near-death experiences or psychedelic journeys, these filters can weaken, allowing the brain to perceive much more. It’s like a lens zooming out, revealing details beyond what we typically see or hear – some even describe sensations like “seeing music” or “tasting sounds.”
This shift in perception can also reveal something interesting about how our brains handle trauma, particularly how the brain might adapt by filtering certain emotions, such as empathy, during formative years.
The Roots of Narcissism in the Brain’s Filters
Dr. Greyson’s research into near-death experiences also made me think about how the brain adapts to trauma. Narcissism, for example, is a term we often hear in connection with difficult relationships, especially if you’ve encountered people who seem devoid of empathy or always need to control the narrative. Many experts believe that narcissistic traits can stem from early trauma. Imagine a young child who’s emotionally vulnerable, yet repeatedly faces situations that make it feel dangerous to express emotions like sadness, anger, or empathy. To survive emotionally, that child’s brain might start “filtering out” these emotions, just like it filters out non-essential stimuli, to protect itself.
This could lead to what we recognise in narcissistic personalities today – individuals who seem to lack empathy or who are hyper-focused on control. This is not necessarily something they’re doing on purpose, but rather a form of emotional self-protection that became ingrained early on.
Why This Perspective Changes Everything
Understanding that these traits may be survival-driven rather than intentional can change how we approach relationships with narcissistic personalities. If we recognise that these people might genuinely lack the capacity to respond with empathy, it helps us detach emotionally. We can set boundaries more clearly, knowing that they’re not refusing to understand us on purpose; their brain’s wiring is simply different. It’s like establishing an emotional “safe distance” – they begin where they are, and we start where we are, without letting their behaviour infiltrate our peace.
Healing: A Journey of Awareness and Compassion
The idea of healing from narcissistic tendencies or even deep-seated trauma isn’t as simple as flipping a switch, but it’s possible. Some people find profound insight and emotional breakthroughs in experiences like Ayahuasca or other guided plant medicine journeys. These can help reconnect individuals to empathy and self-awareness, particularly when combined with a long-term support structure that helps them maintain the insights they gain.
For survivors of narcissistic relationships, NeuroEmotional Coaching can offer powerful recovery tools. By helping clients connect with their nervous system’s patterns, this approach enables them to process and release the emotional hold of past experiences, allowing them to regain personal power and emotional sovereignty. NeuroEmotional Coaching provides a safe environment to understand how deeply embedded survival filters can influence behavior, helping individuals rewire those responses to align with a healthier, empowered way of living.
A New Way Forward
If you’ve ever been in a relationship with a narcissistic personality, this approach might change how you view the experience. Trauma and survival filters affect everyone differently, and what helps me is knowing that it’s not my responsibility to make them understand. My responsibility is to ensure my own well-being and make communication choices that don’t throw me under the bus, over and over again.
If this resonates with you, or if you’re interested in hearing more about near-death experiences and the research behind it, definitely check out Dr. Bruce Greyson’s work. And feel free to share your thoughts or experiences in the comments below.